The eagerly awaited movie documenting the 20 days leading up to the inauguration of "Donald Trump 2.0, The Nightmare Returns...Angrier and Crazier Than Before" are coming in fast and furious, and, as expected. reviewers are not holding back.
Melania, the movie no one asked for, is a nearly 2-hour long propaganda film filled with Melania voiceovers reading inspirational quotes that she probably read somewhere and thought would sound good in a breathy foreign accent. It does not. Anyhow, here are some of the best article and titles AND quotes that made me laugh so hard, I think it counts as an ab workout:
The Atlantic's article is titled The Melania Trump Documentary Is A Disgrace. Right to the point, it opens with:
Recently, I watched a new documentary about an enigmatic woman of notable charm and courage preparing for one of the most momentous events in her life. That woman is E. Jean Carroll, and the movie is Ask E. Jean, a feature about Carroll’s life and her decision to sue President Trump in civil court for defamation and sexual battery.
BOOM.
The Guardian article is titled Melania review – Trump film is a gilded trash remake of The Zone of Interest and the reviewer succinctly nails it:
It’s one of those rare, unicorn films that doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. I’m not even sure it qualifies as a documentary, exactly, so much as an elaborate piece of designer taxidermy, horribly overpriced and ice-cold to the touch
The Independent does not hold back in it's article titled Melania review – First Lady is a preening, scowling void of pure nothingness in this ghastly bit of propaganda. Two quotes really stood out to me:
To call Melania vapid would do a disservice to the plumes of florid vape smoke that linger around British teenagers. She calls herself a “mother, wife, daughter, friend”, yet is only depicted preening and scowling.
and this absolutely perfect one:
Hitting cinemas as the streets of America remain filled with the angry and grieving – with the country on the verge of an irreparable schism – the vulgar, gilded lifestyle of the Trumps makes them look like Marie Antoinette skulking in her cake-filled chateau.
And finally, Variety with it's piece called ‘Melania’ Review: Brett Ratner’s First Lady Documentary Is a Cheeseball Infomercial of Staggering Inertia. After a not totally awful review, it closes with this very astute observation:
“Melania,” like the Trump regime, is a designed-from-the-top-down reality show that’s devoted to shutting reality out.
Melanie, portrait of Eva Braun 2.0, is in theatres nationwide. Empty theatres. So if you want to go, you can definitely find a seat. And if you really hate someone, buy them a ticket and give it to them as a gag gift. They will hate you forever.
Not great at Rotten Tomatoes.
Summing it up quite well.
And the fake reviews are probably not harsh enough.
