Oh, sweet mercy, while the world burns, Donald J. Trump took a minute to lie about Sharpies. Yeah, so that's not surprising coming from the man who is trying to lie us into his war of choice, but the makers of Sharpie, Newell Brands, have no idea what the fuck Trump was talking about during one of his latest rants, which I'm sure super-impressed his base. Somehow.
During a cabinet meeting, Trump rambled for five minutes about how he haggled the marker company down to $5 personalized pens because he’s such a thrifty stable genius. While promoting his redesign plans for the Kennedy Center and taking aim at the Federal Reserve building's renovation, of course, Trump veered off-topic to comment on the pen in his hand, The Washington Post reports.
In Trump's version of events, he claims he called up the manufacturer, negotiated like a goddamn boss, then saved the taxpayers a fortune. So, Sharpie's response was basically, Yeah, that didn't happen.
“This pen is an interesting example,” he said. “This pen is very inexpensive, but it writes well; I like it.”
“I called the guy, I said, ‘I’d like to use your pen, but I can’t have a great thing with a big S on it saying Sharpie as I’m signing a $1 trillion airplane contract to buy brand new fighter jets,'” he continued.
“He says, 'Well, I can make it nicer.’”
“I said, ‘What can you do?’”
“He said, ‘I’ll paint it black.’ ”
“I said, ‘That’s nice.’”
“‘And I can even paint the White House on it, sir, if you like, in gold.’ Almost real gold. Not bad. ‘And I can even do your signature, sir.’”
On an aside, sort of: Lord, help me not to cut a bitch with these sir stories, thankyouverymuch.
“So the guy said to me, ‘You don’t have to pay me, sir. I’ll give them to you for nothing," Trump continued.
“I said, ‘No, I don’t want that. Let me pay you. I want to pay you," Trump insisted before claiming that he brought them down to "five bucks a pen."
I'm not fabricating this. Here ya' go:
Via The Post:
Presented with a transcript of Trump’s account, a spokesperson for Sharpie maker Newell Brands said it did not occur.
“We don’t have any information about the conversation described,” the spokesperson said. “We’re proud to be a beloved brand trusted by so many globally.”
So, that's the corporate way of saying, "That old decaying shitbag lied." Got it. Is this breaking news? No, but what is important is that this war pig of a president will lie about the most mundane things while the world burns.
At least he's not dancing during wartime, right? Oh, wait. Of course he fucking is:
