The Onion: RFK Jr. Urges Americans To Grow Lots Of Pubes

As usual, The Onion rocks.
By John Amato — March 12, 2026

RFK Jr is a plight on the health of our nation.

The Onion does what it does best by highlighting the absurdity of RFK Jr..

Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes.

“Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with tensile strength exceeding that of steel, and they serve as a vital barrier for preventing small insects from wriggling into penis holes in search of nutrients or shelter,” said the nation’s top health official...

That's second to snorting coke off a toilet seat.

Open thread.

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