George Santos — the convicted fraudster, serial liar, and former congressman who somehow made it to Capitol Hill before getting sentenced to seven years for wire fraud and identity theft — is now eyeing a slice of Trump's $1.8 billion "totally not a slush fund" fund.
Because apparently being a shameless grifter who pleaded guilty to multiple felonies isn't a disqualifier for taxpayer money these days, it might actually be a résumé booster. Santos, whose prison sentence Trump helpfully commuted last October (crooks gotta stick together), told The Washington Post he's "considering" applying. In this economy, it's heartwarming to see someone with a long history of fraud exploring every available financial opportunity.
George Santos — the man who lied about his entire existence, including his education, work history, and who knows what else, during his 2022 campaign — would like you to know he's actually the one with principles here. Santos says he'd prefer an official apology. Yes, the person who fabricated his own biography is requesting an apology. The lack of self-awareness is truly breathtaking.
And it's not just Santos. Sigh.
Mark McCloskey — best known for that time he and his wife waved guns at peaceful protesters from their St. Louis McMansion and then pleaded guilty to misdemeanor charges for it — is absolutely champing at the bit to get his hands on Trump's $1.8 billion fund. He's so excited he's not just applying for himself, but helpfully volunteering to shepherd the January 6th rioters he represents through the process, too. What a giver.
McCloskey wants you to understand that, even though the Missouri governor has already pardoned him, Google still has the audacity to describe him as a "former personal injury lawyer." How awful for him! The weaponization! Sure, he still practices law, but the algorithm hasn't caught up — and apparently that's exactly the kind of devastating government persecution this $1.8 billion fund was designed to remedy. McCloskey calls it "the first ray of light we've seen in a long time," which is a pretty poetic way of describing a taxpayer-funded payday for people who've already been pardoned.
Via The Post:
Since that incident in 2020, one of his legal causes has been aiding people prosecuted for their actions during the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. Last year, he said he advocated for a fund to support those charged, meeting with Justice Department officials to make the case for compensation similar to that given to the families of the victims of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.
McCloskey and other pro-Trump attorneys say they are awaiting key information about the fund from the administration, including who will be eligible, how much each claimant can receive, and who will be in charge of disbursing the funds.
Quick, y'all, whatever you do, don't Google "McCloskey, former personal injury lawyer," OK?
Florida attorney Peter Ticktin is practically rubbing his hands together, having assembled a client list of hundreds of January 6th defendants he expects to funnel toward Trump's fund. One potential applicant he highlights is Andrew Taake — a man who showed up to storm the Capitol in 2021 while already out on pretrial release for a child solicitation case in Texas, allegedly attacked police officers with bear spray, and is now suing the government, claiming he was mistreated in prison and wrongfully injected with estrogen. After Trump pardoned him, Taake went ahead and pleaded guilty to a second-degree felony on those earlier child solicitation charges — though he walked away without additional prison time, registering as a sex offender as part of the deal.
But sure, he's the victim here, and taxpayers should absolutely compensate him. All of them. Scratch that. Taxpayers are the victims here, and we expected nothing less from these grifting troglodytes.
