Much like his moral exemplar Donald Trump, it’s still sometimes hard to fathom Ken Paxton actually exists. The grotesque, grifting MAGA Senate candidate with the self-control of a masturbating bonobo actually seems to want to get caught living his best 1970s leisure-suit life.
Four months and change. That’s all we have left in this election cycle. Can this porn-theatre-floor of a man not keep it in his pants for just four months as he pretends to be “Christian?” Or anything other than a newly discovered carbon-based STD?
Once you know that Paxton allegedly kept a separate apartment in Austin so he could meet his Uber-driver girlfriend without the missus catching on—back before the wife had to 86 their marriage “on biblical grounds”—it’s easy to get how Paxton fits in so well with 90 percent of the GOP in 2026. Or the leading lights of the predator-based life-forms knowns as MAGA.
