They say you should never speak ill of the dead but I think you should always speak the truth of the dead. And the truth is Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC, writhing hotbed unbridled lust) was a terrible human being. If you want to be praised in death, you should live a praiseworthy life.
Lindsey did not.
He died following a “brief and sudden illness” which I will assume was alcohol poisoning. The last time I saw a video of Graham, he was staggering on a public street with a red solo cup being guided by a security detail and poured into the back of limo. Earlier this year TMZ had some sad pictures of Lindsey staggering alone around Disneyworld carrying some sort of toy wand. He had no friends to go with him.
Lindsey Graham was a singular war hawk whose entire Senate career can be summed up with screen grab:
And the great Dave Zirin sums him up thusly:
There is no great legacy legislation bearing Lindsey Graham’s name, as far as I know he never proposed any. I think the first time I learned of Lindsey Graham, he was one of the prosecutors in President Clinton’s impeachment hearings in the House (before he was a Senator).
Lindsey Graham’s career in the Senate was spent as a remora, the suckerfish that attaches itself to a shark, and he was always looking for the bigger shark. First with Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) —Lindsey was one of the Three Amigos (McCain, Lieberman, and himself), and then later he attached himself to the biggest fish of them all, Hair Füror.
Trump on social media called Graham “one of the greatest people and Senators I have ever known.”
“He was always working, and was a true American Patriot. Lindsey will be greatly missed!!! DETAILS AND ARRANGEMENTS TO FOLLOW. So sad!”
To get that much attention from The Orange Clown, you must be quite a talented ass-kisser. And that brings us to the 500 Pound Closet in the room.
I do not know with any certainty that Lindsey Graham was an active gay man, but I do know he was an evil, sharp-tongued and bitter queen. Graham’s nasty quips on television were as pointed and mean as drunken Paul Lynde’s on the Hollywood Squares. Sort of funny in a vicious way, but always mean-spirited and intended to hurt the object of his scorn.
But I also know that Lindsey was a faithful Republican who voted to make hatred and oppression of LGBTQ+ people a plank in the Republican party platform. His being from —and of— South Carolina would certainly make his closeted-ness more understandable, but it also makes his bigoted vindictiveness more reprehensible. He had the power and the ability to make things better for his LGBTQ+ constituents, and he chose not to, and in fact he make things worse.
So all and all, Lindsey Graham was a lonely and hollow man, a cipher to some, a vast closet to others. He leaves no great accomplishments, only a legacy of cruelty and cowardice. If he is remembered at all it will be as an enabler to the fascist Orange Clown and as someone who could have made a difference but chose not to.
He will not be missed.
Published with permission of Mock Paper Scissors
